


Heroes

by Actitud



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Get Together, Hogwarts Sixth Year, M/M, MWPP, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mutual Pining, No Warnings, Slow Build, They're PRANKSTERS, and a lot of wooing, confident remus, okay?, pining Sirius, sirius doesn't know remus knows, sirius is head over heels for remus and remus is like
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22230232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Actitud/pseuds/Actitud
Summary: Sirius realizes he likes Remus. Remus isn't sure if he believes it or not.After the events from the end of fifth year and just having rejected his family as such, Sirius begins to realize what is truly important to him – and Remus is one of those things.(this work is currently under revision: a scene at the end of the fifth chapter has been added. updates will be coming on february 2021).
Relationships: Dorcas Meadowes/Peter Pettigrew, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, and some uninteresting, with a side of - Relationship
Comments: 8
Kudos: 32





	1. Part One: Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> I read All The Young Dudes and it hurt me to death.

Part One

By the start of second term Sirius had already consulted the most high-respected masterminds of the House of Gryfifindor known to have succeed in the mysterious arts of romance: his friend, [James Potter](https://66.media.tumblr.com/f9b130bafc56395166957293d3a7fa61/tumblr_onwbdrdrDq1ufecngo1_500.png), and his own ex-girlfriend, Marlene McKinnon.

Both encounters had gone mysteriously wrong:

“Hey, Prongs”, he had asked in a low voice, opening up the curtains of James’ canopy bed one Thursday night, in the hour between [Peter](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/17e119e1-4c7e-4ea2-b35e-1f22ce8da05a/d6h7v59-3ea04541-03e3-47ce-9faa-64e9cf835853.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7InBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzE3ZTExOWUxLTRjN2UtNGVhMi1iMzVlLTFmMjJjZThkYTA1YVwvZDZoN3Y1OS0zZWEwNDU0MS0wM2UzLTQ3Y2UtOWZhYS02NGU5Y2Y4MzU4NTMuanBnIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmZpbGUuZG93bmxvYWQiXX0.dL1dUPe8ejQnknF7Fmm09BG0qQS3whFUqZbDfuuDSIo)’s third magic chess game against himself and [Remus](https://66.media.tumblr.com/7263361034ca8a7e45f85d3106cfe36d/27ebe33ccf4705e7-2f/s1280x1920/4dfff4a8e8b47b1a301ec83138b7c1ef8535b781.png)’ last yawn before leaving his nightshift reading, “How do you know when you fancy someone?”

“Well, Pads, I don’t know. Do you ever know?” said James, looking at him from above his glasses, uninterestedly.

“Don’t play games at me” insisted Sirius, sitting down on the bed, “You know you _like_ Lily, right?”

“Well, my friend; if there is one single truth on Earth…” started Potter, before turning his gaze at Sirius, as if he had just realized something, “Wait– Weren’t you and Marlene snogging last term?”

“Yes we were, thank you very much, but that’s not the point, I mean– How do you know when you _really_ _like_ someone?”

“You didn’t _like_ Marlie?”, James asked, “I would never have guessed, by the looks of how you used to constantly stick your tongue down her throat. I remember I barely distinguished you both as two different bodies for a couple of months”

“Shut up, you wanker”, hissed Sirius, starting to realize that maybe his friend wasn’t as trained in the Arts of Love as he proclaimed to be, “I told you that’s not–”

“Wait”, said James, sitting up, “You’re _in love_?”

Sirius snapped his tongue.

“You’re useless”, he said.

And with that declaration he had stormed off James’ bed to his own, ready to stare at the ceiling for answers. He had been mastering at that, lately –though he was still practicing the part of obtaining them.

The next day in the morning he had bumped into Mary –or, well, not exactly _bumped_ ; more like _chased her_ until they were out of the Common Room and she had surrendered the task of ignoring him deliberately.

“Marlie”

“Yes?”

“Can I ask you a question? Privately”, he cleared out, looking at Lily Evans, who was standing next to her.

“We are having a conversation”, Marlene said, not pleased by Sirius’ presence at that moment.

Sirius frowned and took a glance at Lily, whose face was red, almost like her hair, and her eyes were swollen as if she had been crying. The realization hit Sirius like a punch in the face, and his first impulse was to run off and forget everything.

 _No,_ he thought, _we are trying to do some emotional work_ _here –don’t be a prick for once._

“What happened?”, he asked finally, genuinely concerned.

“That’s none of your business, Sirius, really”, said Marlene without a hint of doubt.

“Did something happen with James?”

“No”, answered Lily quickly, “And I– I’d very much appreciate if you didn’t tell him you’ve seen me like this, okay?”, she said.

“Er– Okay. I won’t. I guess”, Sirius assured, a bit uncomfortable.

“Goodbye, Sirius”, hurried Marlene, grabbing Lily’s arm and ready to walk away.

“No! Wait– Just a second. It’s just a question, real quick”

Marlene glanced at Lily with an unreadable look, almost like she was trying to prove some point Sirius didn’t catch.

“It’s okay, Mary. He says it’ll be quick”, Lily assured.

Marlene sighed but followed Sirius some steps afar from their previous standing point. She looked at him skeptically.

“Well, what was that you wanted to ask me?”, she said.

“Okay, it might come out a little weird but I’m trusting you on this, alright? You know things”, said Sirius, trying to ease her mood.

“Shoot, Black”, she insisted, looking bored.

“Alright– How do you know when you _like_ someone? As in when you _really truly fancy_ someone?”

“You’re asking _me_ because you think I _fancied you_?”

“Well, you must have seen something in me–“

“I could say the same thing to you, couldn’t I?”, she said, raising her brows.

“Okay”, he said, starting to get impatient, and lowered his voice, secretively, “I think we both know what was going down there, you butch”

Marlene rolled her eyes but smiled a little, knowingly.

“So you come to the realization that you’re a poof and the first thing you do in the morning is look for me to give you relationship advice?”, she stated with a fun look.

“Marlene, for Merlin’s beard– Look, it’s fine; I won’t bother you anymore, alright? Just go take care of Evans”, he surrendered, finally.

“I’m just letting you find out for yourself”, she said before going back to Lily. They both disappeared down the stairs.

So there was that.

The morning that followed was, as Sirius would put it, average. There were no shiny thingys flying around the castle or in class –nor into Snape’s underwear or nose or ears– and there was no big prank played on the Slytherins, who remained very smug since they had won last Saturday’s quidditch match against the Ravenclaws –as if that was something to be smug about–. However, Sirius found himself to be enough entertained during lunch, when he received a howler from his mother that had make the words ‘blood traitor’ and ‘dishinerited’ resonate all over the Great Hall.

“I’m sorry you have to put up with that bullshit, Sirius”, said Remus sincerely, flipping through _The Daily Prophet_ , “I don’t really understand why she keeps doing it, even after you left”

“It’s alright. Not as bad as it will be Easter at the Malfoy’s”, admitted Sirius “… for Regulus”.

“Stop thinking about it, Pads", said James, “You don’t know what is going to happen”

“Yes, James, I do. It’s going to happen what should have happened with me, according to their plans: he’s their heir now. They’re going to force him to become one of _them_ ”

“And what could you possibly do?”, exclaimed James, exasperated, “Let it be you instead?”

“Nah, leave it”, shrugged Sirius, “I’m just complaining that he won’t put up against them”

“No wonder why”, said Remus distractedly, “He ain’t no Gryffindor, after all”.

Sirius smiled softly at that. Afterwards he frowned a little, glaring funnily at his friend.

“You read the newspaper during _lunch_? Who does that?”, he said teasingly.

“It’s just arrived, you wanker. Just been published”, answered Remus, “Jenkins has been ousted this morning; look”

He showed them the newspaper, portraying a picture of some wizard called Harold Minchum who was now Minister of Magic, as read the title.

“Oh, yeez”, complained James, “My mum was really rooting for that Jenkins woman”

“Yeah, mate. She was the shit; supporting the squib riots and shit”, agreed Sirius.

“Are you thick?”, asked Remus, shockingly, “You really have no idea what this means, right?”, he snapped his tongue before the lack of answer, “You posh pureblood kids know nothing”, he stated, convinced.

“Alright, you tough half-blood man; enlighten us, then”, said Sirius with a cheeky grin.

“This means death-eaters will have it easier. There might be already a few involved with high ranks in the Ministry for this to happen”, explained Remus, as if it was obvious.

“Well, about that I have no doubt”, said Sirius as if he was playing some character, “I already told you my _dearest cousin_ Cissy is being allowed to marry that Malfoy arse as soon as he is well-placed”

“You know, I find it funny enough that you use sarcasm to imply that Narcissa isn’t your favorite cousin when you are in fact related to Bellatrix Black”, said Remus.

“That is a though I try to evade, Moony; thank you very much”

“There’s also that Slytherin bloke – Crouch”, said James, glancing at the newspaper, “He’s one of your brother’s friends, Sirius. My dad told me his father has been recently promoted to Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforce–“

Remus bursted out laughing.

“What’s so funny?”, asked James, a bit annoyed by the interruption.

“I just remembered– My dad also talked to me about him: he said his boggart was Voldemort himself, isn’t it hilarious?”

“Are you out of your mind?”, hissed Sirius, interrupting him, “Don’t say _the name_!”

“Alright”, Remus rolled his eyes.

“It’s still quite funny, the thing about his boggart”, conceded Sirius.

“Thank you”

“Anyways– I don’t think Crouch Senior has any idea of what that snake of a son he has is up to”, said James, “And it’s just the two of them, you know? There are no more members to their family”

“Well, that’s a pity”, said Sirius jokingly, “Guess their pure-blood shit dies with them”

***

In sight of the events, everything Sirius was able to come up to at that point was asking his very friend Remus about the issue of his suffering –for obviously Peter was out of question. He was too busy shagging his recently acquired girlfriend –some Slytherin bird called _Whatever_.

He found him, _obviously_ , in the library, but upon his delight he was not working on academics, but on the very important matter of The Map.

“Hey”, he greeted, sitting next to him, “What are you doing?”

“Just working on the aesthetics”, said Remus simply, “Making it look a bit inky so the steps don’t look like stomps”.

“You came up with how to transfer the tracking spell to the parchment, in the end?”, asked Sirius.

“Not yet, but I’m close”, answered Remus, “For the moment I’m using you as a try-out”

“Me? You _charmed_ me?”, laughed Sirius, pretending to be offended.

“Only a little bit”, admitted Remus, not excusing himself, “It’s for the sake of The Map. Look”

Remus pointed to the only target on it, which read ‘Sirius Black’ in a nice, kind-of gothic letter font. Next to it stood the little drawing of two feet standing still in the middle of the library.

“That’s where I am, indeed”, said Sirius, impressed.

“Yes, you are. And if you take it and walk with it, you will see the drawing move, BUT–” he hurried to say in advanced to Sirius’ look of mischief, “I have to keep working on it. It’s Peter’s turn to have it in two days, and you know he doesn’t do shit – you can’t try it out yet”.

“Alright”, said Sirius, a bit disappointed, “I’ll leave you to it. But first I need to ask you something”

“What is it?”

“Er– I ask _you_ because, well, you spend a lot of time with Evans and– Well, she’s a girl, and girls know about this stuff, you know?”

“No, I don’t”

“Well, it doesn’t matter– I just– Please don’t think it’s weird, okay?”

Remus squinted, curious.

“Okay?”, he said.

Sirius sighed, wondering internally if it was worth it.

“How do you know when you like someone?”, he asked.

Remus tilted his head and pursed his lips, thoughtful.

“Well, I guess you could make a list of the pros and cons of that person, and depending on it you can deduce whether you fancy them or not”, he said, simply.

“That’s not a bad idea”, incurred Sirius, and suddenly _had an ide_ a, “Alright, thanks, Moony. Now I’m going to start on my DADA essay, sitting here right in front of you”, he moved from his seat to do as he had said, “It has to be perfect, you know. Moody can be a mad-eye but he ain’t no poof when it comes to Auror-training”, he had no idea why he had said that, and he laughed nervously.

“–Okay?”, repeated Remus, disturbed but used to the feeling.

Sirius displayed his parchment in the table and they worked silently for a while; Remus on casting spells for the map and Sirius on not writing a single word, meditative.

“You know”, said Remus, later on, “When you referred to my friendship with Lily earlier I thought you were going to ask me about what happened to her this morning”

“Merlin, you really tell each other everything, don’t you?”, stated Sirius, surprised, “She asked me not to tell anything to James, but she goes and tells it to you!”

“Those are some of the benefits of friendship upon quarreling romance”, said Remus, “you always feel like you can talk to the person you love without fear of an unwanted reaction”

“Hm”, nodded Sirius, accordingly.

“Anyways”, continued Remus, “I think there are boundaries on what oughts to stay private and what doesn’t when it comes to a matter that affects many”

“I think I’m following”, said Sirius, starting to sense the importance of the issue, “Did someone assault her?”

“Well”, teased Remus, “Snape called her a mud-blood”

“Fuck! That sneaky bastard! He can’t help it anymore, can he!?”, exclaimed Sirius, almost standing up his seat, but not raising his voice, “He drools– Literally, _drools_ for Evans, and he calls her– _THAT_ still? Dude, that bloke must be really touched in the head. Shit. Now I understand why she didn’t want Prongs to hear about it”

“He would probably kill him with his bare hands”, admitted Remus, “But oi, you understand why I’m telling _you_ this, right? I say we leave James out of this– But I still believe he deserves some reprisal”

Sirius glanced at Remus, eyes sparkling with excitement as he leaned onto him to whisper:

“That’s one reason why I love you, Moony”

He’ll have to work on the cons later.

After a nice afternoon of mischief managing with Remus, Sirius promenaded dreamily to the Gryffindor Tower, wondering how he was going to dodge telling James that he was 1) planning a prank upon Snape and 2) starting to think he fancied their best friend.

However, there hadn’t been reached a conclusion on 2). For the moment it was just an intuition, and time would tell if there was any truth to it.

That being stated and the Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff match being held the day after, there wasn’t much room in James and Sirius’ conversation that night for anything that wasn’t about quidditch. That was, of course, until the room was filled with Peter’s snores and James’ quilt full of Sirius’ Valentine’s Day chocolates wrappers.

“You know that Hufflepuff bloke, Caplan?”, James asked, waving his wand into forming light shapes, distractingly.

“Never talked to him”, Sirius said, uninterestingly, “Rings a bell from games and stuff, since he’s the seeker”, stated, as if it was obvious.

“You know what I feel like he’s always seeking after?” said James. Sirius shrugged, “Lily”.

“No shit”, said Sirius incorporating to look at James in the eye, “For real? What a hoe – everyone knows you’ve been after her for years!”, stood still for a moment, and then added: “He’s queer though, I think”

“What, you got a radar or something?”, laughed James.

“Or something”, mumbled Sirius.

“You snogged ‘im or what?”

“Not me. That bloke Shacklebolt from Ravenclaw”

They kept silence for a while.

“Look– Pads, you can tell my if you’re a p– if you’re gay”.

“‘M not”

“Alright?”, saidJames doubtingly.

“Ya talked to Marlene or what?”, asked Sirius, harshly.

“Er–”

“Look, y’know when I start dropping vocals? That means ’m tired. G’night”, he aimed to get out of the canopy bed but James grabbed his arm to stop him.

“I didn’t mean to offend you. We don’t have to talk about it, okay?”, he said thoughtfully, “But it looks like you have a lot of gossip to share and I’m a hoe for babble”.

Sirius rolled his eyes but smiled, ready to prepare _that which ought to be spilled_ , and stayed with James for a while longer that night.

The next morning felt as if their previous conversation had been a hint of fate. Sirius, James, Remus and Lily were having breakfast, Marlene alongside them, when Caplan arose from nowhere –already in his quidditch robes –at 8 a. m. in the morning–– and stopped by to give Lily a confortable smile and Remus a squeeze in the shoulder. As he left, Sirius could feel James’ bloodstream speed up slightly.

“You friends with him?”, he asked Lily, so James didn’t have to.

“Not really. It’s our boy Lupin here the socialite”, answered Lily pointing to Remus with a tilt of her head.

“You friends with him?”, James asked Remus, as if it was some type of payback.

Maybe James already knew.

Maybe he had long been aware of those things Sirius struggled to realize.

“He’s in my study-group”, answered Remus.

 _You a poof?_ , heard Sirius James’ voice in his head, even though his friend never had said anything of the sort. For some reason it was easier to think about it that way. He shook his head slightly to get those thoughts away of his mind.

“Be careful, Moony”, teased Sirius, “He likes seeking for balls”

Remus stood still for a moment, in shock, before frowning threateningly at his friend.

“What?”, he almost yelled, “Shut the fuck up, you idiotic turd-face”, he was genuinely offended, “He’s really nice– He’s a Hufflepuff, for God’s sake. You jealous or what?”

Sirius opened his eyes in a mixture of uncomfortableness and awe.

Marlene choked on her toast.

“What the hell could I be jealous about?”, started Sirius, getting a bit carried away, “He getting to spend library hours with you and some other book-nerds watching life pass and hoping for it to end?”

Remus startled without losing composure. Instead, he stood up ready to walk away and said the following right to his face:

“Fuck you”

It wasn’t sweet.

Sirius was not the crying type. For the most part. Well, he was sensitive, there was no doubt of that. But he was a Scorpio, right? Right. Though– that didn’t mean anything more than that his job was to _keep_ _it a secret_. If he had been affected by his discussion with Remus –which undoubtably had bring reminiscences of the end of last year’s events–, no one had to know. No one except for those who already did know, meaning, of course Marlene McKinnon.

After breakfast –and due to James’ tireless insistence– Sirius, Marlene and James went to the quidditch pitch for a fair amount of morning snitch-seeking and bludger-beating. Nevertheless, Sirius and Mary returned to the ground after half an hour to share a bottle of water and clear their heads.

“There was some legit drama during breakfast”, started Marlene.

“Sod off, will you? I’m trying to cope”

Marlene laughed.

“Cope with _what_? You males are overcome by the slightest amount of emotion”

“Oi, Marlie, despite your beliefs, we have feelings”, complained Sirius, “Just this morning, James was quivering with jealousy”

“Such a legitimate feeling”, teased Marlene, “And _James_ , huh? Sure. That lasted the thirty seconds that it took for you to be the one jealous”

“You phrase some shit sometimes, Marlene”, said Sirius, and she rolled her eyes, “Look, I don’t think I really am _that_ bad with feelings. I’m just slow. If I was bad I would have thrown myself from the Astronomy Tower long ago, believe me”, smirked Sirius.

“Well, that’s just how everyone does it. Talking about it just accelerates the process, you know. But it’s up to you, anyway”

There was a small silence, and Marlene talked again.

“You’re all a bit different, since last year”, she said, “ _We’re_ all a bit different”

“Well”, started Sirius, “Things are getting complicated for everyone, now”

Marlene seemed like she was about to joke about Sirius’ blood state, but refused in the end, frowning worryingly as if she had just remembered something.

“I heard your mother’s howler yesterday”, she said cautiously, “Why didn’t you tell me you had been kicked out?”

“I wouldn’t have told anyone if it had been my choice. James knew because– Well, because I’m staying at his house now. His parents gave me my own room and everything. We told Moony because it would had been weird if he didn’t know, and Peter found out because _how could he not_ ”, he explained, “I wasn’t kicked out, anyway. I left”

“How?”

“Through the floo network, hairless, covered in my own blood and at the verge of fainting”, said Sirius, half-laughing.

“That’s horrible, Sirius. What happened?”

“My parents organized a Christmas Eve party at the house – except it wasn’t a party, you know?”, he said, “It was more like a death-eater get-together. I got pissed and said some shit. Everything got pretty crazy pretty quickly and my parents took my to the library and left me there after some _punishment –_ as they like to call torture – so I took the floo to the Potters’. It was pretty pathetic, actually. [My mum](https://66.media.tumblr.com/f50c9e9f12fe0680de83197365e9dd57/tumblr_p5wciuOyqi1u3aklho2_1280.jpg) cursed my hair and it all fell off. No big speech or redemption arch for anybody, either – Regulus wasn’t even looking”

Mary didn’t say anything and Sirius preferred it that way. She caressed his back a little, in case it made him feel any less awkward.

“Better?”, she asked.

“A little bit, actually”

They were interrupted by the voice of Captain Potter setting the start of the day’s training at exactly three p. m.: from that moment on, James would be nothing but a leader, and Sirius and Marlene, nothing but siamese budgler-beaters.


	2. Part Two: Wonders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: for this chapter i got inspiration from All The Young Dudes by MsKingBean89. there are probably even literal quotes from the fanfiction.

Remus got detention.

Usually, when Remus Lupin got detention it was in consequence of James and Sirius’ own actions, but when he got it for his personal merits it was usually due to unauthorized visits to the library’s Restricted Section. He had been exceptionally careless this particular time; in the middle of the awe of having found the required book – _Fifteenth-Century Fiends_ – James’ invisibility cloak had slid down his shoulders, revealing himself to no other than Minerva McGonagall –thankfully just in time for her to not notice the piece of cloth that Remus quickly collected from the floor.

“Lupin!”, she exclaimed, with a disappointed and surprised look in her face, “Again!?”

“I’m sorry, professor”, he said sincerely, “I have a condition”, he joked cheekily.

“Yes, you certainly do – a condition to borrow books from the Restricted Section: the permission of a teacher!”

“Don’t worry, professor; I’ll take the detention. It’s alright”, he said unironically.

“I have noticed”, she said, pursing her lips, “I have come to realization that you’re not bothered by it _at all –_ if something, you somehow enjoy clearing old files and cleaning without magic. That is why I am afraid I will have to think of more effective ways for you to serve the school. And I think I have an idea”, she said, grinning funnily, “Follow me, Lupin”

And Remus followed her up to her office, starting to feel anxious about what she was going to ask from him. He knew McGonagall was strict and just; but also a good, caring woman. She wouldn’t put him or anyone in a position of real suffer.

She went to search for some papers to a cabinet and then placed them on her desk.

They were planes of quidditch plays.

“As may have come to your attention, this evening exactly at five p. m. we will be celebrating the fourth quidditch match of the season. What I want you to do until then is to look up thoughtfully on this papers, because you will be commenting on the match”

“Commenting as – in an essay?”, asked Remus hopefully.

“No, Lupin. As in talking to the microphone from the commenting box”, she said, “With Mister Keaton at the nursery we are missing a commentator”

Remus felt like he was going to faint. He had been wrong – the woman was _vile_.

“But– Professor”, he said, starting to shake a little bit, “I can’t do that. I know nothing about quidditch and I do not perform well in front of a crowd–”

“You will do alright, Lupin. And if not, that will teach you not to steal books from the Restricted Section, won’t it?”

Remus bowed his head a little bit, surrendered.

“Indeed it will, professor”.

“Good. You are excused”

***

Remus walked into the Common Room looking pale. It was a bit crowded, but he found Peter sitting on a sofa playing chess alone. He sat next to him, slightly comforted by the warmth of the fire, sparkling from the chimney.

“Hey, Moony”, said Peter, starting to relocate the chess pieces, “You wanna play?”, he seemed to notice the large amount of parchment that Remus held against his chest, and asked: “What’s that?”

“I have been defeated”, answered Remus simply, “I was going through the Restricted Section and McGonagall caught me, and now I face detention”

“Oh – that’s buggers. But I thought you liked detention?”

“This is no sort of ordinary detention”, said Remus dramatically, “She obligues me to comment on the match of this evening – commentary box and everything”

“No shit!”, exclaimed Peter jumping a bit on his seat, causing for a few pieces to fall to the floor, “I have been wanting to do that for years!”

“Well, for me is punishment, as you can see”, answered Remus, inconsolable.

“I could actually help you, I think”, offered Peter.

“Really?”, asked Remus.

“Yeah, I could give you some tips and – Well, I haven’t told anyone, but some nights I cast a silencing spell upon the curtains of my bed and practice quidditch commentary, on my own”

“Peter, that’s brilliant!”, exclaimed Remus, restoring a bit of his hope, “And you know a shit ton about quidditch! This might not be so awful after all”

“Of course not! It’s going to be the shit”, stated Peter, happy to be of use, and above all, to be able to _teach Remus_ something, “This is crowded, let’s head to the dormitory”

Two hours later, Remus found himself to have acquired a fair amount of quidditch knowledge, and relieved at having found the experience to be quite fulfilling: he was now _a bit_ fond of the sport, even thought he had no new plans on playing it at any time soon.

The game was an hour away, so he decided to have a break from studying and roll some cigarettes while Peter told him about some of his favorite plays of the season.

“What were you caught looking for, anyway?”, he asked when he realized he was probably boring Remus.

“Evans is trying to figure out a spell for a trick”, explained Remus, “and she thought maybe something in the Restricted Section would be of help – which she was right about. I offered to go in for her because her file is unpolished and I had already done it before, anyway. I thought I could be able to do it successfully again”

“I see”, nodded Peter, “And what trick is she working on?”

“I’m not sure, something cute for Slughorn. She was– Well, she was looking for something rather specific: a spell that linked her soul to a smaller being’s so it could live as long as her”

“That’s creepy”

“I think she’ll manage a good result. She’s really creative, you know? It’s probably something really innocent and thoughtful”

“What, you fancy her or something?”, asked Peter, as if he was ready to start running in search for James to tell him the breaking news.

“No”, answered Remus, “We’re friends. She’s just really nice to me”

“I’m nice to you, too!”, he complained.

“And _we’re friends_ , Peter, aren’t we?”, stated Remus, reassuringly.

“Yeah, we are... but… Sometimes I don’t know", said Peter with a small voice, "You’re spending a lot of time together this year”

“What do you mean? We’re always together, the four of us”

“I mean you and Sirius. It’s kind of splitting the group apart, you know? And James is always talking about Evans, now… We only spend _actual_ time together on full moons now, and you can’t even remember any of it…”

Remus offered a small smile at Peter, understanding. He hadn’t know Peter was feeling like this, and he felt ashamed for it.

“It’s alright, though, since I have Dorcas”, said Peter, “She has really nice friends, too”

“That’s nice, Pete”, said Remus with sincerity, “I’m glad you’re with her, too. She seems to be a nice girl”

“Yeah”, said Peter dreamily, “And, what about you? You haven’t snogged anyone that I can remember”.

“Well”, said Remus in a low voice, “It’s not really easy for me to– You know, be open about it. I think– Well, I always feel a bit ashamed anytime I get close to someone because of, you know, _my furry little problem_ : there always comes a time when I feel like they should know but– I never feel confortable enough to tell them, so I prevent myself from deepening the relationship”

“Wow”, said Peter, “I never really thought about it, that you can’t have a girlfriend because you’re a werewolf”

“Well, when you put it that way”, Remus sighed, “it sounds fucking depressing”

“I thought you were queer, also”

“I am _not_ queer”, assured Remus, “I know I fancy girls”

“And Sirius?”, Peter asked, and Remus stirred on his seat.

“What about him”, said in a tense voice.

“Well– I don’t know, maybe you would find him attractive. He’s easily the most handsome boy of the school – I figured that could be used as some kind of _queerness_ scale?”

“Obviously Sirius is handsome”, said Remus, feeling uncomfortable, “That’s precisely why it’s a shit scale: _anyone_ could feel attracted to him”

Peter looked at him funny, with his brows frowned just a little, and Remus realized what he had just said.

“I mean, perhaps not _anyone_ anyone–”, he tried.

“Alright, Moony”, nodded Peter, patting Remus’ shoulder, “Alright”

***

Remus was lucky to find Lily in the grounds on her way to the Quidditch pitch, since he would have no other opportunity to tell her that he wasn’t going to be able to enjoy the match with her.

“Oi, Lily”, he called at her, she quickly glaring back at him and joining his pace.

“Hey!”, she greeted cheerily.

“You’re not going to believe what is going to happen in a while”, he said.

“What– Wait, it’s not another stupid prank, is it? You won’t have the guts to do that ot the Hufflepuffs–”, she guessed anxiously.

“No, no – it’s nothing of the sort. I’m facing detention!”

“And you’re missing it? Remus, you’re a _prefect–_ ”

“I’m going there. I’m gonna be commenting the match, that’s my detention”, he said, “McGonagall is getting creative”

Lily bursted out laughing.

“I can’t believe you. What do you know about quidditch!?”

“All I know is what I’ve learnt during the past three hours by grace of Peter. I feel quite ready, you know? I also have some notes”, he said, shaking some parchment of tips he had brought from his master class.

“Well, I’m looking forward to it. What got you detention, anyway? Oh… don’t tell me it was–”

“Yes, it was that, but don’t worry. It’s alright. It was my bad, after all, and I offered, so. There is no point on feeling guilty”, he assured.

“Okay, Remus. Thanks”, she said with a smile, and grabbed his arm affectionately, “I think I’ll just go myself, then”

“Actually you could ask Slughorn himself about it – he doesn’t have to know what it is for, he might think you’re just curious. He is familiar with that kind of tricks”

“Are you suggesting the gift requires of dark magic to be done?”, she asked, seeming worried.

“I don’t know, to be honest. It sounded creepy but it might as well be the lightest magic to ever have existed”, he put, and she laughed.

Remus loved Lily very much.

***

He felt a little bit anxious as he sat on the commentary box. It made him feel strangely safe that McGonagall was sitting next to him.

He also was nervous about the fact that his friends didn’t know he was commenting the game. How would they react? Would they be distracted because of him? Was Remus going to be the cause of Gryffindor not winning the Quidditch Cup?!

He saw the players arriving to the pitch and glanced one last time at McGonagall searching for reassurance: she smiled at him and nodded, hinting that he should be starting the commentary.

“Alright!– fuck”, said Remus to the microphone, surprised by how loud his voice sounded all over, “Sorry. Er… Everyone be welcome to the fourth match of the Hogwarts Quidditch Cup of 1977”, surprisingly for him, the crowd cheered as if that was everything that they needed to hear, “Today we got Gryffindor against Hufflepuff, Gryffindor in red – captain James Potter, and Hufflepuff in yellow – captain Atlanta Victus. That’s a pretty cool name. Honestly, I’d be worried if the rival’s time last name meant literally ‘winner’, but I’m just saying…”, that comment brought cheers from the Hufflepuff terraces in particular, and Remus found the fact to be quite stimulating.

He looked down at his notes for a hint to continue: _Introduce players and their strengths_. He wasn’t sure if that was necessary since everyone probable already knew everyone, but thinking about the first and second years he reconsidered and gave it a try.

“So, the players… well, obviously James –he’s the seeker–, he’s pretty good, I’m told. I mean, he’s the one who told me…”, Remus grinned before the smatter of laughter from the crowd, “Hufflepuff’s seeker, Caplan, pretty good too; nice enough bloke, that one. Gryffindor keeper, Yasmin Patel, also very good I suppose, I mean as far as I know… Sirius Black and Marlene McKinnon, beaters –good beaters… I mean, the whole team’s really good, let’s just say that– oh fuck it’s about to start, alright, yep! There goes the whistle, and –no surprises– Gryffindor is in possession of the quaffle. Blimey, this Macdonald one is fast, look at her go! And… goal! Ten - nil to Gryffindor! Nice one”

The crowd cheered as she zoomed across the pitch, arms raised high in victory. She high-fived James mid-air before returning to focus on the game. Remus though it wasn’t so bad, he was actually having a good time and saying out loud what was happening was fun.

“Hufflepuff is now in possession of the quaffle– whoops! Looks like Hufflepuff seeker Caplan might have seen the snitch. Not saying it as a hint or anything, just commenting”, he said as he saw James race to where Caplan was, “Looks like Potter also has some visual constance of the sneaky bitch–“

“Lupin!”, exclaimed McGonagall, “Language!”

“Sorry! I thought that’s what ‘snitch’ was short for”, he joked, and the crowd laughed, “Alright, both seekers are–FUCK Watch out, Sirius!”, he exclaimed as he saw Layla Hinds, one of Hufflepuff’s beaters beat the shit out of a bludger and send it to Sirius’ direction, “Are you alright? Fuck, I think we’ve lost him”, he proclaimed.

Sirius beat the bludger effortlessly and flew near the commentary box to poke his tongue out for Remus.

“I’m a bad bitch, you can’t kill me!”, he screamed at the top of his lungs for Remus to hear him, and then he flew away to focus again on the match. Remus grinned. McGonagall shook her head, rolling her eyes.

It took around an hour and a half for James to catch the snitch, and Gryffindor won 230 to 90.

***

“What was THAT, Moony?”, exclaimed Sirius as soon as they all met outside of the pitch, throwing a strong, well-structured –Remus noticed– arm onto his shoulders, “Is it my birthday or something?”

“It was detention”, explained Remus without being able to erase the smile from his fase, “McGonagall is getting creative. She’s gonna be annoyed that I actually enjoyed it”

“It was the shit”, said James, “I wish every game could be just like that!”

“Yeah?”, asked Remus, flattered, and then he remembered something, “Oh, and Peter helped!”

“Yep!”, he confirmed, as if he was waiting for him to be mentioned, “Spent my good three hours teaching Remus before the match”

“Honestly, Peter”, said Sirius, “I don’t tell you how much I love you as frequently as I should”, and then he leaned onto Remus and whispered in his ear: “I want to talk to you later. Alone”.

Remus started moving his head in a nod, but then he couldn’t stop the move – maybe possessed by shaking.


	3. Part Three: Thoughts




	4. Part Four: Misunderstanding

Of course Sirius only wanted to talk about the prank. _Of course_ – not like Remus was thinking about something else, though – so he spent the rest of the Saturday sorting out the details.

It was Sunday already, only one day left before the full moon, and Remus’ skin was itching with annoyance: his blood felt hot, and he knew any comment out of place would send him over the edge.

It wasn’t like he couldn’t control himself anymore, but it had been getting worse over the years, as Madame Pomfrey had wisely said. The transformation was more painful every time and he felt the worst ever around the full moon, lately. Like– Like he was missing something he needed to do. Something very bad.

“I’ve been thinking”, said Remus as they walked alongside the lake, “And yesterday, before I was caught by McGonagall, I had the perfect idea – so perfect I was planning on running to you to tell you”

“I’m impatient!”

“I found a particular type of hex involving one’s speech – but it’s very, very difficult”

Sirius snorted.

“When has ever something been difficult for us? Come on, Moony”

“The spell requires _a lot_ of concentration, as in – we wouldn’t be able to actually enjoy the prank. So I came up with a slightly different idea, and I found the potion that does exactly the same”

“What changed on the planning?”

“The amount of people”

Sirius smirked.

“You’re saying we prank _all of_ Slytherin about this?”

“Something like that – But those who behave will not be affected by it. I say we sneak up onto the elves’ kitchens and fill the the pumpkin juice’s trunk with this potion”

“Are you saying we prank _ALL OF THE SCHOOL_?”, exclaimed Sirius.

“Again – most of us won’t be affected by it. The prank only works when one say the words mud-blood, blood-traitor, half-blood and such, for different terms”

“And what would those be?”

“I haven’t come up with that yet, I don’t think I’m very good at it. I only thought we could switch mud-blood with [magbob](https://harrypotter.fandom.com/wiki/Magbob), but I doubt most of the people would understand the meaning of the term”

“Hm”, nodded Sirius, “Alright, Moony, leave that to me”, he smiled, “I’ve got to take care of some business for the afternoon, so I don’t have a lot of time left, and I er–”

“Okay”, interrupted Remus, unsure of why Sirius was giving him explanations, “Before you leave… Well, I wanted to let you know that yesterday I was sorry for calling you an idiotic turd-face, but I had to do the commentary and didn’t have time–“

“Don’t worry, it’s okay. I reacted weirdly”

“Yeah”, agreed Remus.

“I should have known, though. That you were going to be bitter because of the full moon and all–“

“I don’t think you should restrain yourself from saying crap _only_ around full moons, you know”, he teased.

“Well, that’s true”

The walked in silence for a little while, until Remus spoke:

“So how’s it going with that girl?”

Sirius frowned.

“Which girl?”

“The girl you fancy. The other day you asked me how to know if you liked someone”

“Oh– Oh, that. Yeah, well–”, Sirius laughed nervously, “It’s not going. But it’s okay, we’re friends”

“And did it do any good? My advice”

“I’m not sure. I struggled to find any cons. Then I decided to write a chart about Prongs, to see if it was any different – and well, it was. So I think I do, I think I _like_ them, but”, he sighed, “I’m not sure if the realization has done any good”

“Why? She’s not interested?”

“Not a little bit”

Remus laughed.

“I find that hard to believe. Just yesterday Peter was calling you _easily the most handsome boy in the school_ ”

“And you think that’s true?”

“Well”, Remus shrugged, “It’s factual evidence, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know, is it?”

“Isn’t it? I think it is”

“Oh”

“Don’t– Don’t put that face!”, Remus said before Sirius’ smug expression, “You know it very well. You always get the most candy on Valentine’s day – _plenty_ of it”

“But that’s not because I’m handsome – but because I’m _attractive_. I’m a proper bite. And I play quidditch. And I’m top in every class. And I’m– wait, I was going to say rich, but where does my dishineritance put me?”, he mumbled to himself the last part.

“You’re so full of yourself”, said Remus.

“Do _you_ fancy anybody?”, Sirius said, concentrating on not to sweat.

“No”, Remus answered simply, “I’m not risking into making somebody miserable because they are snogging a XXXXX rated monster”

“You’re not a monster, Remus–”

“Legally, I’m equivalent to a basilisk”

“That’s bullshit and you know it”

“Of course it’s bullshit! But it’s what everyone thinks! If anybody found out _today_ I’d be expelled _tomorrow_ ”

Sirius said nothing at the truth of it.

  
***

Remus arrived to the dorms to find James and Peter on the floor, sitting around his gramophone.

“I’m sorry, Remus”, said James, looking devastated, “I was trying transfiguration spells and I stepped on it while it was a cushion. _Reparo_ doesn’t work”

“It’s alright”, said Remus, taking out his wand and tapping it lightly, “Fixed”, and the gramophone started playing The Rolling Stones’ [_Black and Blue_](https://open.spotify.com/album/54j9aA4jqWxLSETeUEyVnI?si=yAxkOwTETHmZU1_FB1nHFA).

“What did you do?”, asked Peter.

“I casted a cleaning spell for the needle. That’s always the problem – I don’t think you did anything to it by stepping on a cushion”

“That’s great!”, exclaimed James, “Because you just got an owl – it’s in your bed, hurry!”

Remus walked to his bed to find a thin squared package laying on it. It was, most certainly, a record, and there was a note attached to it.

_Remus:_

_I know it’s getting tough. Went to the shops yesterday and saw this – early birthday present!_

_Love you, son._

_L. Lupin_

Remus opened it anxiously and gasped at the sight of it. It was definitely a record, and a pretty damn one – David Bowie’s new album.

“What is it?”, asked James.

“It’s Bowie’s!”, exclaimed Remus.

“Oh god”, gasped Peter, “Sirius is going to lose his shit!”

“What are you waiting for? Put it on!”, said James impatiently.

“Wormtail is right, James”, said Remus caressing the packaging a bit disappointed, “I think we should wait for him”

James snorted and threw himself on the bed.

“He better hurry, then”

“Wait”, said Remus, remembering something, and he went to the desk to grab The Map, “I’m tracking him, we might find out where he is”

“Brilliant!”

They all looked into the map, looking for Sirius’ target, and found it at the herbalist.

“What is he doing there?”, asked Peter, “Didn’t know he enjoyed Herbology”

“He doesn’t”, said James, “Maybe he’s plotting a prank”

“I doubt it”, commented Remus.

“Should we go find him?”, asked James, but Remus shook his head.

“Nah, let’s just hope he comes back soon –look, he’s already moving. He’d be pretty annoyed if we caught him doing something un-mischievous. Let’s wait for him in the Common Room”

***

Sirius finished collecting the fluxweed’s scruples and placed them in a tiny sack. He stocked it in his robes and started walking away the herbalist when the sound of someone clearing his voice made him shook.

“Normally I wouldn’t mind your business, Black, but I’m a prefect and it’s past-curfew”, he heard Evan’s voice, and turned around to face her, “I’m afraid I will have to escort you to the dormitories and take out five points from Gryffindor”

“Come on, Evans”, complained Sirius, “Are you kidding me?”

“No, I’m not. Be thankful I won’t be notifying you’re stealing from the herbalist”, she said, as they started walking together, “What do you want the flexweed for, anyway?”

“For a potion?”, he said, as if it was obvious.

“Not for academic purposes, I believe. You’re not even in Slughorn’s class”

“I don’t need Slughorn's class, I live with the Potters”, he said smugly, “I’m coming up with my own potion”

“Wow – and what it would be for, exactly? I’m suggesting you try a Humility Philter”

“Very funny, Evans. It’s actually none of your business”, he didn’t lie, “What are you doing here, anyway? You’re not patrolling tonight”

“How do you know that?”

“I always know when Remus is patrolling and you always go together”

“Aren’t you clever, huh?”, she teased, “Sometimes I like to walk after dinner”, she explained, “And if I happen to find a Marauder fooling around, I make sure he comes back safely to his dorms”

“Very nice of you, Evans”, he teased, “I don’t know what we would do without you”

They made their way to the common room comfortably. They chatted and teased each other, and Sirius found out it was actually kind of fun talking to Evans – she reminded him of Remus a little bit. That made him wonder if it would feel any different if Evans was a bloke – probably not.

They entered the Common Room together, smiley and relaxed, to find only Peter, Remus and James, sitting on the couch facing the entranceand glaring surprised at the pair. James looked like he was disgruntled.

“Good evening?”, he greeted them.

“Hi, Potter. Good night, Remus”, she waved at him and Peter, and then turned to Sirius, “Good night, Black”

She went up to her dormitory, leaving the four of them alone.

“Excuse me?”, exclaimed James, clearly annoyed, at Sirius, “You were out there having a date with _Evans_? Is that why you asked me the other day for advice?”

“N– No! It has nothing to do with that”, said Sirius, and felt embarrassed for stuttering, “I was taking a walk around the castle and she found me and walked me here, since it’s past-curfew _and_ she’s a prefect”

“I don’t believe you”, stated James, out of his mind, “Why would she do that if she’s not patrolling? Why was she out there at this hour, anyway?”

“I don’t know, dude. Look, this is a misunderstanding – I didn’t even know Evans was nice until ten minutes ago! I just told you what happened”, explained Sirius, and looked at Remus for support.

“Actually, I wouldn’t find it surprising if Lily was picking up students even if no patrolling. She’s told me a couple times she likes taking walks after dinner, and she’s really insistent on curfew – she’s afraid the younger mud-blood students could be assaulted by the Slytherins”

“Hm”, nodded James, not convinced, “Anyways, I’m going off to bed. I’m tired”, he said, and rushed up the stairs to the dorm.

Peter shrugged at Remus and Sirius, as if saying ‘look what you’ve done’, and walked up the stairs after James.

Sirius threw himself into the sofa, sighing.

“He’s turning mad, I swear”, he complained.

“He probably felt confused. It didn’t look like you and Lily got on really well until this day”

“Yeah, well, I’m – I don’t know. I’m trying to be more open, I think?. In the past I’ve judged her because she was James’ obsession and that bored me. But she’s actually pretty cool”

“Of course she is! She’s one of my best friends”

“Yeah, about that, er–”, Sirius scratched the back of his neck, “Does she know about… you know, that you’re a werewolf?”

“Of course”, he said, “I didn’t tell her, though. She found out in fourth year – guess it’s pretty obvious, anyway”

“No one would expect if from _Mr. Wolf McWolfberg_ ”, said Sirius laughingly.

“Whatever, _Dogus Blackson – w_ anna go up and listen to some music?”, Remus suggested, and the other boy smiled.

“Sure”

It was a little ritual they shared. They laid down in Sirius’ or Remus’ bed and casted a silencing spell around the curtains to play the gramophone without bothering the others. They spent hours like that and most times Remus fell asleep first. Then, Sirius would turn off the music and listen to his friend’s breath instead, before quickly falling asleep.

“What were you doing down the herbalist?”, Remus asked as they listened to [_Hunky Dory_](https://open.spotify.com/album/6fQElzBNTiEMGdIeY0hy5l?si=804HHt3DR6CnBgf2B3dzwg) _,_ “We saw you in the map”

“Fuck”, said Sirius, rubbing his eyes, “No wonder James though I was lying to him – I was picking out fluxweed’s scruples”

“What for?”

“A potion of my invention”

“That’s ambitious”

Sirius nodded, and said nothing else.

“How are you feeling?”, he asked instead, “About the full moon”

“I feel like I want to rip off my skin”, admitted Remus, “or someone else’s skin instead”

“I see. You can rip off mine if you’re feeling like it’s too much to handle”, he said, half joking half serious.

Remus laughed.

“Ew”, he said, and Sirius’ heart flinched just a little.

“EW?”

“Well, it would be a proper mess – I bet you’ve got bones and organs a blood running in veins like everyone else under that fancy, aristocratic shell of yours”

“Fancy and aristocratic, huh?”, said Sirius cheekily, “Thought you had said I look like a disgusting pooch”

Remus rolled his eyes.

“That was _last summer_ – and I was angry at you. What was I supposed to say? _Oh, it’s just Sirius showing off his usual Apollo-like figure in dress-robes, but fuck him_ ”, Sirius laughed, “A person’s perception changes towards their feelings. I’m not going to think you look good if I also want to beat the shit out of you”

“You’re not going to because you can’t or because you don’t want to?”

“That’s up for debate”, he admitted.

Sirius hadn’t stopped smiling.

“I understand that James reacted that way, though”, continued Remus, “It can seem like bickering what you both do, and looking so suddenly happy together…”

“I don’t get it”

“WELL– I mean, quarreling love, right? That’s kind of what Lily and James have. And he might have seen that reflected into you both today. Probably it made him feel like he was not special at all…”, stated Remus, with some suppressed emotion.

“Oh”, said Sirius, “But that’s ridiculous. You and me bicker all the time and we are friends. And that doesn’t lead him to think we fancy each other, right?”

“Yeah, but. You know. He hasn’t been _in love_ with me since third year”

“That makes sense”, nodded Sirius, “So you think James is _in love_ with Evans? Those are major words”

“Well, I don’t know. It’s just a saying. He really wants to go out with her, I mean. Last week he rejected Theodora Arkwright because he’s ‘waiting for Lily’, and she’s very beautiful”

“Hm”, hummed Sirius, “Is she? She sent me chocolates on Valentine’s Day. I think I don’t know her”

“Of course you do! She’s a Ravenclaw. We go to Transfigurations together”

“Right”

Remus put out a cigarette and lit it with the tip of his wand.

“Do you want one?”, he asked Sirius.

“Nah – I don’t like smoking the muggle way. Fags seems dirty to me”

“Alright”

“Did your dad sent it to you?”

“No – Caplan’s gift”

Sirius furrowed a little bit, thinking about his friend sharing intimately a smoke with that guy.

“Actually, I think I’ll try a drag”, he said, and Remus passed the cigarette to him, “Is he muggle-born?”

“No; half-blood, like me”

Sirius nodded. He took a drag and didn’t like it, but also felt like he could get used to it.

“It’s alright”, he said, but gave it back to Remus, “Why would he give you a present, anyway?”

“I don’t know. Maybe he is trying to quit”

“I think he’s into you”, Sirius said.

“What gives you that idea?”

“He squeezes your shoulder… he gifts you tobacco… I don’t know, seems likely to me”

“He _squeezes my shoulder_? Why would you think about that?”

“Just stating facts”, said Sirius, trying to sound cool and relaxed, “How would you feel, anyway – if a bloke fancied you?”

“Indifferent, just as if a girl did. We’ve talked about this – It’s not like I can have a relationship. I just don’t even consider it or think about it”

“Alright”, said Sirius, feeling a bit anxious about what he was going to ask, “But you’ve snogged people, right?”

“Yes. No one from Hogwarts, though. Only muggles from my hometown”

“So you don’t shag with wizards because you feel bad about them not knowing you’re a werewolf – and you shag _muggles_ instead?”, asked Sirius, half-laughingly.

“It just seems more fair to me. I mean, it’s _illegal_ to tell them anything involving the wizarding world, so I just feel like that’s more legitimate than straight-up lying to someone just because you’re afraid how they’re gonna react to the truth”

“Alright. Makes sense”, nodded Sirius, “Such a good boy you are, Moony”, he said teasingly.

But he wasn’t, Remus thought. He wanted to shatter a body into pieces.


	5. Part Five: Realization

The next day started off a bit rough. James wasn’t talking to Sirius, and he rushed alongside Peter off the bedroom before Sirius or Remus woke up. Luckily, Lily –who was Remus’ usual desk-partner– was sitting with Mary that day in Charms, so Remus could sit with Sirius and not leave him or Lily alone – since James appeared like he couldn’t even look at his friend.

“… Different wand-woods may also affect the performance of casting non-verbal magic”, explained Flitwick, waving his hands as if he was casting a spell –probably a consequence of being so used to it, “Many wands made from dogwood are rather noisy, and refuse to perform non-verbal magic, whereas winds of pine are some of the most sensitive to this way of spell-casting…”

Remus was copying down everything the Professor said. He took a glance at Sirius, who looked bored to death, and was drawing on his parchment and sighing every now and then. _What’s wrong with you pal????,_ he wrote.

Sirius directed his wand at the piece of paper and it shrugged into a bird-like form which fled to James’ desk.

“Exactly!”, exclaimed Flitwick, noticing Sirius’ use of magic, “Excellent example of non-verbal magic, Mister Black”, he said, “Ten points to Gryffindor”.

Various Gryffindors from the classroom exchanged glances of pride andcontent at Sirius’ actions, praising him quietly. He smiled smugly, laying down in his chair and looking pleased.

“However, you will be joining me this afternoon for detention due to un-authorized use of magic during theoretical lessons. The points will be subtracted from Gryffindor”

“Oh, crap”, complained Sirius quietly, so only Remus could hear, “I hate detention when it’s not because of a prank”

A ball of paper hit him in the head,

_Do not talk to me_

it was James’ response.

Sirius looked at him unbelievably, but the other boy didn’t react.

“Give it time”, murmured Remus, “He’ll come to reason”

“You think you can talk to Evans today? Convince her into shagging Prongs already so he will talk to me again?”

“Doubt it”

“Come on, Moony”, insisted Sirius, “Please?”

“That’s not how relationships work, Sirius”

“Alright”, Sirius surrendered, hiding his face between his arms, “Why the hell are you copying everything? You already know how to use non-verbal magic. I even saw you cast a wandless spell once!”

“You did?”, asked Remus, surprised that he remembered. Sirius nodded, “I copy because then I have shit to do. Otherwise I would be dying of boredom, like you”

“James is much more fun to be around in class”, complained Sirius, “You don’t even seem to want to talk to me!”

“I don’t want to”, said Remus harshly, feeling his temperature rise, “You’re distracting me”

“From what?”, insisted Sirius.

“From paying fucking attention”

“But you already know everyth–“

Remus took a long breath.

It wasn’t effective – so he interrupted Sirius.

“SHUT. THE FUCK. UP.”, he said threateningly and very annoyed, but not loudly enough to interrupt the class. However, some students turned around to look at them, impressed by how violently that had come out.

“Sorry”, whispered Sirius, rising his brows unbelievingly, and left him alone.

***

After class, Remus and Lily went together to the library. Sirius pretended he had something else to do, but Remus suspected he was only trying to avoid Lily so James wouldn’t be upset. He felt a bit guilty for being relieved by Sirius’ absence, but he was worried he would explode from anger if he kept being annoying around him.

“Why did you tell off Black earlier in class?”, asked Lily worriedly, halfway to the library, “You seemed really upset”

Remus sighed.

“It was nothing, really. He was just trying to talk because he was bored, but I was very annoyed. I s’pose it’s due to the full moon tonight”

“Yeah, that’s likely”, she said, “But– I don’t know. I felt a bit– well, violated”

“Oh”, Remus’ expression dropped, saddened for having made her feel that way, “I’m sorry”

“It was nothing, it’s just… not about me. I think maybe he doesn’t deserve that from _you_ – of all people”

“From me? Why me?”

“Well, he’s been having a rough time lately with all that happened with his family and I– I think it’s pretty clear how much you mean to him, right?”, said Lily, standing still.

“I guess?”, Remus stood with her, frowning a little, “But the issue about his family has been going for ages. We do what we can to prevent him from being miserable about it”

“That’s not my point… Look– What I’m trying to say is – when we chatted yesterday he was… Well, he wouldn’t stop bringing you up in the conversation. He sounded like… like he truly adores you, honestly”

“I don’t understand. What did you talk about?”

“Well, it was mostly bickering about how you are much better than me in every way, honestly. I know it doesn’t sound very good, but I didn’t feel insulted at all. I think he’s pretty funny, actually”

“This is weird”, said Remus, suspicious, “Are you and James up to something? Is this some sort of prank?”

“What? No! What does Potter have to do with this?”

“He won’t talk to Sirius. He’s upset because you were all smiley yesterday when you arrived into the Common Room together. He thought you were having a date”

“Ew”, said Lily, “I hate men”

“I feel you”

“But why would he immediately think it was a date? Thats’s paranoid”

“Apparently Sirius has asked him for advice in the field recently. He asked me too, actually. When he saw you both he figured out you were the girl he was talking about, I guess”

“So Sirius has been asking for – Oh! That might have been what he and Marlie talked about the other day!”

Remus laughed.

“He even talked to Marlene? God, what has gotten to him!?”

“Yeah, right? She mumbled something about him being a poof and – oh God, it can’t be, right? I immediately though she was joking as she is, you know, a bit _harsh_ sometimes but what if that’s what they were talking about?”

“Why would he tell that to Marlene? They were dating not that long ago”

“Because she’s a lesbian!”

“Is she?”

“Yes! And they were snogging just to try out – _both of them_! Oh my God!”, exclaimed Lily before the realization, “This is incredible. I’m the smartest witch ever”

“Yeah, well – I think you are getting a bit carried away. I’m not sure you’re making any sense right now”, mumbled Remus, feeling an increasing feeling of nausea.

“It makes _so much_ sense, Remus”, insisted Lily, “If it really is a girl who he fancies, look at me in the eye and tell me she wouldn’t be interested”

“I’m sure there are plenty of people who wouldn’t be interested in shagging Sirius, Lily”, said Remus sharply.

Lily laughed.

“You’re _sure_ there are?”, she said, insinuatingly, “So you ain’t one of them”

Remus rolled his eyes.

“Look – I don’t know why, but it looks like lately I’m constantly spilling words of affection towards Sirius’ appearance unintentionally: that means nothing. He’s my friend and I wouldn’t ruin that”, he said without a hint of doubt, “And aside from that… whether I fancy someone or not – it doesn’t matter, it has no meaning. I can’t be with anyone. It’s too much trouble, and it’s enough trouble already being what I am. And this is the third time I’ve explained this in _two days_ , for God’s sake!”, he complained.

“I’m sorry, Remus”, said Lily.

“It’s okay, it’s just – Suddenly everyone is so involved into having relationships and snogging and all of that and I – it’s not like I feel bad because I can’t do it. I just feel frustrated because _I don’t want to_ , and I just wish everyone just stopped being stupid!”, he exclaimed, fed up.

“I understand”

***

Lily approached James during lunch, trying to look as casual as possible when she sat next to him – she didn’t want to pop his hopes up, anyway.

“Hiya, Evans”, he greeted, rumpling his hair immediately, “How are you doing?”

“Fine, thanks”, she asked simply, “And you?”

“So-so”

“Why is that?”

“Ah– It’s nothing. Sirius and I had a fight… over quidditch – you know I’m rooting for the Cannons this season, but he’s convinced the Holyhead Harpies are going to make a comeback to the charts, you know? Bullshit”

“Hm”, nodded Lily, “And how did you spend the night?”

“Pretty well. Sleeping, you know”, answered James, “And you?”

“I slept well, too. But there was something I couldn’t stop thinking about…”

“And… what was it?”

“I’m struggling to find a present for Remus’ birthday this year”, she said, “And I asked Sirius about it, but he just kept rambling about other things…”

“You mean yesterday?”, asked James, interested, “What did you talk about?”

“Well – Mostly Remus, to be honest. I didn’t know Sirius fancied him”

“Er, yea– What?”, furrowed James, “What? Sorry, I didn’t hear that well”

“I said I didn’t know Sirius fancied Remus. You didn’t know, either? Oh, crap! I’m talking too much…”

“Sirius told you that? He told you he liked Remus?”

“Well, not exactly – but he just wouldn’t stop talking about how amazing he was”

“Really?”

“Yeah”

“Oh. Well, thanks for telling me, Lily. And about the present– well, I think he’ll like anything muggle you ought to give him – bonding with his mom and stuff, look– I gotta go, okay? I’m sorry. I’ll see you around!”, said James before getting up and running out the Great Hall.

Lily nodded. She glanced at the Slytherin table. Severus was looking at her weirdly, alongside Mulciber and Regulus Black. She frowned, but ignored it.

***

James rushed to the quidditch pitch. He knew Sirius would be there; he usually skipped lunch when he was annoyed to fly around. He went to the Broom Cupboard to get his own and went up to the sky near where his friend was.

“Oi!”, he called, trying to get Sirius’ attention, but he didn’t respond, “Don’t ignore me, you wanker!”

“I could say the same to you!”, answered Sirius, still now slowing down to James’ pace.

“Look – I’m sorry. I know it was a misunderstood – I wanna talk about it!”

Sirius turned around to look at him and speed up his Nimbus 1001’s pace.

“You’re gonna have to earn it then!”

James smirked and speed up as well to catch his friend. They owned the same broom, but James’ thin figure helped its velocity, and didn’t take long to catch him.

He bumped into Sirius playfully on the air to have his attention, and Sirius bumped back with so much strength that James almost fell off.

“You prat!”, exclaimed James, and bumped harder.

Sirius’ broom destabilized to that and he fell, out of control, a couple feet in the air. Luckily Sirius was able to grab it firmly and in no time he was back flying again.

“That all you got??”, he screamed teasingly so James could hear him between the wind.

James, getting carried away by the playfulness of it all, stormed into Sirius and hit him with his whole body, causing his friend to fall off his broom into the winter’s fog, screaming and producing a noise that sounded more like a howl than a human sound.

“FUCK!”, exclaimed James, and speeded his broom the most he could, realizing he wasn’t gonna be able to catch Sirius before he fell into the ground, destroying his body.

He couldn’t see him well in-between the fog, but he took his wand out and casted _Arresto Momentum_ loudly, hoping it would work. When he crossed the fog spectrum he found Sirius struggling in the ground, with an expression that James couldn’t figure out.

When he reached the ground he ran to meet his friend, still on the floor and rolling around in the verge of death for laughter.

“Are you okay?”, asked James, not really worried anymore.

“Let’s do it again!”, said Sirius getting up, high on adrenalin.

James started laughing with him and they took turns between falling from the air and casting the spell.

They had enough after a while and lied down on the grass, looking at the grey sky of Scotland’s highlands.

“You could have told me, you know”, said James, “That it was Remus you were talking about”

“I guess there’s no point on denying it”, said Sirius, “How did you figure it out, anyway?”

“I talked a little with Lily during lunch and she told me that yesterday you wouldn’t stop talking about him, so I connected the dots. Ran here to tell you off”, answered James.

“What?”, exclaimed Sirius, dramatically frowning as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing, “You stopped talking to _Evans_ to come find _me_? That’s some love right there, pal”

James laughed.

“Well, of course it is. I love you, you know that?”

“Yes, I do. I love you, too”

“So what are you going to do with… Er– the ‘Remus situation’?”

“Nothing. Never tell him and pretend it’s okay. Smile on his wedding. Do everything in my power for him to be happy without him ever noticing of acknowledging it – the classic stunt”

“You been watching muggle films again?”

“Yeah– At the cinema right beside The Owlery – are you thick!?”

James laughed, rubbing his eyes.

“Merlin, I don’t know. I’m just… overwhelmed. Too many emotions”

“ _You males are overcome by the slightest amount of emotion_ ”, said Sirius mockingly.

“What’s that?”

“Something Marlene told me on Saturday at practice. Then I told her about Christmas’ Eve. She was pretty cool about it”

“Ah – alright. Marlene’s cool. I really like her”

“Yeah, well… Marlie’s definitely cool but – I just feel like… I don’t know. It’s not like I don’t fancy girls – I do, I think they’re hot, but– I don’t find them _interesting_ or _fun to be around_ , at least the most them. Does that make me gay or a misogynist?”

“I think it makes you a misogynist, yeah”

“Well, there goes that then”

“You might be reflecting your mother onto them, as well. And your cousins. Really, almost all of your female family members are vicious psychopaths so– I guess I understand the prejudice”

“Yeah, but not Andromeda – Andromeda’s the best”

“Yeah! She’s great. How’s the kid? She wrote to you recently?”

“Yep. She’s great. She hates being called _Nymphadora_ , though”, Sirius laughed, “but she already shows hints of magic – at only four! I wish they came visit this summer – metamorphomagi kids are _so much fun_!”

“Well – the Potter’s house doors are open”, James changed his position, laying on the side instead of facing the sky, and supported his head on his hand to look at Sirius, “I don’t think you should just do nothing about Remus. I think love is something to fight for”

“Don’t make me laugh – You don’t think love is something to fight for, you think it’s something to get hexed for for years, Potter! That’s not fighting, that’s _stalking_!”, said Sirius, half-laughing.

James rolled his eyes.

“Okay, those are my methods – yours might be different”

“There’s no point to it. Moony already told me he has no interest _at all_ in having a relationship – at least with a witch or wizard, anyway…”

“Why is that?”

“He is ashamed of being a werewolf and all. He told me he only shags muggles, so he doesn’t feel like he’s lying to them”

“Hm”, James nodded, “I think that’s bullshit”, he said.

“How’s that?”

“I don’t think Remus is ashamed – He just doesn’t feel like anyone likes him enough for him to trust him into telling them he’s a werewolf or _dating them at all_ ”, stated James, speaking very seriously, “He’s not embarrassed of the wolf, but of _himself_. He just needs someone to acknowledge that he’s the shit. A self-esteem boost”

“I see”, mumbled Sirius, “So you think if I butter him up he’ll want to go out with me? I don’t know if I want that, either…”

“Well – I just don’t think you should do stuff just to reach a particular ending, you know? Just woo him and see what happens”

Sirius sighed. That wasn’t a bad idea.

A new though from James distracted Sirius' new mind trail:

"Do you wanna go back to the dorms and listen to Bowie?".

Sirius shot him a knowing smile and nodded enthusiastically.

"You know I always do, Prongsie-boy!", he sang as he got up, grabbing James by the arm to help him up.

"Remus got a new record from his dad. _Heroes_ 's the name"

"That's sick! Wait– Did you guys listen to it without me?"

James adjusted his glasses as if he didn't dare to answer, and Sirius automatically jumped on him to punch him playfully, incredulous.

"You wankers!", he yelled, jokingly, "How could you do this to me!?"

James laughed and dodged Sirius' hits with his forearm, stepping back.

"We didn't, you idiot! We didn't! I'm kidding!", he screamed, and only fell silent when Sirius stopped.

"You better be", sniffed Sirius threateningly.

***

James and Sirius arrived to his dorms to find Remus and Peter working on the map. It seemed like Remus was giving him instructions for next week, when it was Peter's turn to work on it.

But the other two had just reconciled and were not on the mood for working, so they took the map from them and started searching frantically for Remus' record behind their friends' incredulous looks, throwing socks, books and Bertie Bott boxes in the air and shattering the little order there was occasionally in the room.

"It's on the trunk under the bed, gosh! You are insane!", screamed Remus as Sirius started to launch confetti from the tip of his wand, transforming into his dog form and running up and down his bed agitatedly, like a crazy person –or dog–.

"Sorry, Moony! You just [_keep on smilin_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1kQqemYfsA)'", answered James almost yelling, going for the trunk, and well aware of what was coming.

" _THERE'S TIMES WHEN I WILL, AND TIMES WHEN I WON'T_ ", sang Sirius at the top of his lungs returning to his usual physical appearance.

 _"TIMES WHEN I DO AND TIMES WHEN I DON'T!"_ , followed James, raising Bowie's album on his hand triumphally.

 _"IT DON'T BOTHER ME, 'CAUSE I LET IT BE!_ ", continued Sirius, starting to dance rocking his hips and clapping his hands.

 _"AND JUST KEEP ON SMILIN'!_ ", they almost-screamed together in the middle of the room.

Remus and Peter just stared at them, amazed as always by their extravagant ways, when suddenly someone knocked on the door:

"What the fuck is going on in there? It's past eight o'clock on a Wednesday, pals!", said someone with a voice similar to Dirk Cresswell's, a Gryffindor student one year below them.

"That fucker!", frowned Sirius, "It's not our fault your dorm is a _nap room_!", he yelled at the door, punching at it in a menacing way.

"That's what it's supposed to be, you cracker!", answered Cresswell, unaltered, "We have O. W. L.s to prepare!"

James diplomatically reached for the door and opened it, showing Cresswell and his roommates a charming smile and giving them a glance of the madness of their room's looks, at which they reacted with a disgusted grunt.

"We were just about to listen to some tunes, my pals", he said, "Care to join us on this fine evening for a nice rest?", he said theatrically with a wave of his hand.

"This is a Marauders only jam session, piss off!", exclaimed Sirius from the inside of the room, in a bad mood from the interruption.

"Don't be like that, Sirius", intervened Remus, "Dirk can join us if he likes"

"I didn't know you were friends with Cresswell", 

"Er– He's our classmate..."

"Is he _in your study group_ , too?", mocked Sirius.

"Excuse me?", questioned Remus, slightly annoyed.

"Let's move to the common room", suggested James entering back into the room and grabbing the gramophone on his arms, "That way we can all listen to it".

"But I thought this was _for us_ only!", complained Sirius.

"Come on, Pads; are you gonna _privatize Bowie_? _You_ , of all people?", asked James rhetorically, looking at him above his glasses, "You can't do that!", he stated.

Sirius sighed with a half smile.

"Fine!", he said, helping him carry the gramophone downstairs.

As they struggled to move down the spiral staircase James started announcing the activity to anybody who would listen.

" _Heroes_ by David Bowie on the Common Room for all Gryffindor courses, no exception! Yes, that means you can join us, Angie! The owner of the record is my friend here Mister Remus Lupin. Yes, it was sent to him! They don't really sell Bowie at Hogsmade, am I right!?"

By the time the four of them arrived at their preferred spot by the fireplace the room was filled with students form all courses, sitting around in quiet whispers waiting for the music to begin.

Remus spotted Lily, who had been apparently reading calmly on her own before the madness had started, but she didn't seem upset at all, if not, she was intrigued.

"I'm seeing a lot of new faces tonight", said James, "I'm glad, I'm glad... All that studying is going to drive you crazy! Now, let's sit and enjoy...", he checked the back of the empty disc sleeve, " _40 minutes_ of great music! This is _Heroes_ , by David Bowie!

He set up the needle and let Remus hit the device lightly with his wand; for he was the only one who knew how to turn it on properly.

The album started, and the Common Room listened in silence.

Remus got lost on the music pretty quickly, and when he least expected it he started staring at Sirius, who was sitting quite relaxed, humming quietly and swaying his head lightly to the rhythm. He looked lost on the music, too, and their eyes locked to his surprise as Bowie sang:

_Though nothing will keep us together_   
_we could steal time, just for one day._   
_We can be heroes, for ever and ever,_   
_what do you say?_

Remus found himself strangely lost on Sirius' unbelievably light eyes. They looked like a shade of bright blue passed through a black and white filter of some sort, as attempting to deprive it of its color.

It was amazingly beautiful.

Sirius smiled lightly at Remus and looked away, focusing again on the music and tapping his fingers into the carpeted floor.

Remus shook his head, ashamed of what had just happened.

_We're nothing, and nothing can help us,_   
_maybe we're lying, then you better not stay,_   
_but we could be safer,_   
_just for one day._

But– what had just happened?


	6. Part Six: Routine

It wouldn’t be a lie saying that [_Heroes_](https://open.spotify.com/track/7Jh1bpe76CNTCgdgAdBw4Z?si=UO0_3xR_To2qML5t2aFafg) by David Bowie quickly became some sort of hymn for the Gryffindor students, to the point that it was constantly being played in the Common Room and it wasn’t rare to hear a Gryffindor humming the tune around the castle, in their way to class or the Great Hall – even the youngest ones, who happily followed the example.

“I’m telling you this corroborates my theory”, insisted Sirius on Friday night, who had gotten used to smoking muggle cigarettes, “He’s a wizard! And a Gryffindor, of course”

“He’s not, Sirius”, mumbled Remus, who was at that moment trying to read _The fellowship of the ring_ _._

 _“_ Then why would he put something like this out now? It’s clear he is aware there is some sort of war going on and he’s urging us into the fight”

“Look, it’s cute that you think that, but it’s a little creepy, too”, said James, who was distractingly letting go and catching his snitch.

“But he’s so cool”, said Sirius, “If he’s a muggle, I want to be a muggle, too”

“OH!”, awed James, “Paddy is in love! Should we start calling you Mister Bowie?”

“Shut up”, spitted Sirius, “Should we start calling Evans _Lily Snape_?”

“Shut your mouth!”, James stood from his bed and went to Sirius as if he was going to punch him, and they began to struggle.

“Everyday I convince myself that humans are intelligent life forms”, said Remus, “– and everyday I am proven wrong”

Peter laughed at that while he was going through some charms book to work on The Map.

“No wonder you feel that way, Moony”, said Sirius letting go of James, “You’re the only one of us that isn’t an idiot”

“That’s very kind of you to notice, Black”, said Remus shortly.

“Alright”, said James, getting up, “I think I’m going to take a walk around. Coming, Wormtail?”, he asked.

“I’m working on the–“

“Great! Let’s go to the library then, I’ve got some Potions work behind – and Remus, remember Lily told me to remind you about Slughorn’s party!”

“It’s hard to forget considering you’ve told me the same thing every two hours for the past three days”, answered the werewolf, uninterested.

James grabbed Peter and walked out the room, leaving Sirius and Remus alone.

Sirius went to his bed and started playing [_Diamond Dogs_](https://open.spotify.com/album/72mfhbEsMtXR6s7v9UhKe3?si=2O4jUPloQze9JEozTRiScg) –skipping _Future Legends_ – quietly so he wouldn’t bother Remus and started searching for the muggle magazines he had stored under his bed. He picked one randomly and flipped through the pages to look at the static pictures of muggle vehicles.

“What are you reading?”, asked Remus, surprising him.

“A muggle magazine, but I’m just looking at the pictures”

“Are those motorbikes?”

“Yeah. I want one. You think I could transfigure parchment into muggle money?”

“Possibly”

Sirius smiled, glaring fondly at the sight of a particularly nice bike with a sidecar.

“And what are you reading?”, he asked afterwards.

“ _The Lord of the Rings_ ”

“Is he a clairvoyant or something?”, asked Sirius, and Remus laughed, "Like, does he wear a lot rings, or what?"

“No, it’s– A bit difficult to explain. It’s a muggle story about some made-up magic. It’s fun”

Sirius seriously though for a moment about reading it, and then checked the thickness of the book.

“Are there any films about it?”

“No, there isn’t. It would be too expensive. I guess they’ll make ‘em when they get better technology”

“Why do they need it? I thought they could just draw in the camera”

“No, that’s not how it works. And it’s expensive – _drawing in the camera_ , as you call it, and you need very big computers for that and it doesn’t look that good anyway”

“And how do they know they will have better technology at all?”

“Well, because they are constantly trying”

“Are they?”

“Yeah, that’s how science works”

“Must be nice”, Sirius said, “Knowing you’re always ahead of something better”

Remus smiled at that and kept reading.

“It’s really cool that you know all those things about muggle stuff, you know?”, said Sirius, trying to sound casual, “I like it”

“Thanks”, answered Remus, as if it was nothing, and silence came again.


	7. Part Seven: Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! i'm sorry for taking so long, but i'm finally updating this fic. it's been hard for me writing these days. with this chapter i have updated all of what had written in advance from posting it, but it's still getting no feedback, and i would feel so much more inspired to continue if you'd like to leave a comment. tell me what you think about what's going on, about the character study, i don't know... i'm feeling kind of lost.
> 
> i'm also debating changing the title, if you have any ideas!
> 
> enjoy :)  
> (p.s.: english is not my first language, so i apologize for any mistakes.)

“Really?”, asked Lily, with a fun expression, and Remus nodded, “Are you sure?”

“Positive. He’s just so obvious”, he answered as they walked around the courtyard, “He won’t stop buttering me up”

“But is it annoying?”

“No. It seems pretty sincere, also. But I just don’t feel the same”

“And what are you gonna do?”

“Nothing. See what happens. Maybe have a little fun”

“How? As in – playing with him?”

“No! Just doing things to see what happens. How he reacts. I think it could be interesting”

“That’s called psychopathy, Remus”

“Sod off – I know he’d find it funny if he knew. And you know, maybe that way I can come to a conclusion about whether he likes me or not”

“As in…”, asked Lily, “you think he might just want to fuck you?”

“I don’t know – I just don’t want it to be some caprice or confusion that ends our friendship”

“Well – that’s understandable”

“You talked to Slughorn at the end?”

“Yeah! I figured it out. I might give it to him tomorrow morning. I hope he likes it”

“Tomorrow?”, asked Remus, happy, “Well, if that isn’t the best timing ever…”

“Why?”

“Sirius and I are putting up a prank against the Slytherins tomorrow during lunch. Maybe the gift will soften Slughorn’s old heart”

“You’re unbelievable. I thought you were done with the pranks!”

“This is a good one”, said Remus, “I think you’ll like it”

“But tomorrow is the evening of the party – isn’t that a bit risky?”

“I don’t care. I’m not going. I’ll head to Hogsmade with Peter and Sirius”

“But, Remus”, said Lily confidently, “I don’t really feel like attending to a get-together full of death-eaters on my own…”

“Oh”, realized Remus, “I understand”, he said, before an idea crossed his head, “Why don’t you invite James?”

“What? – Potter!? Are you deluded?”

“If this is a matter of protection I believe he will do a much better job than me, honestly, Lily”

“I’m not going to invite Potter! That would be embarrassing! And what is Severus going to think!?”

“Snape can fuck off – I don’t understand why you keep forgiving him. He doesn’t treat you right”

“Well, you kept forgiving Potter and Black during all those years when they did things you didn’t agree with!”

“But that’s not the same – they’ve done _so_ much for me. And alright, I didn’t agree with everything they did to Snape but – it’s not like what he does to you”

“Mocking a person with a lesser blood-status?”, said Lily, lowering her voice but speaking with urgency, “How is that any different, Remus?”

“It’s different because you’ve never done anything bad to anybody – but he keeps doing shit! And he’s going to become a death-eater one of this days, I’m telling you”

Lily frowned, not saying anything.

“Look, if you need me to go with you I’ll do it. But give it a second thought, okay? Tell me tomorrow after lunch what you’re going to do”

“Okay”, she answered, “Thanks, Rem”

***

Remus stepped into the dormitory to find only Sirius and a smell of pot.

“What’s that?”, he asked.

Sirius smirked from the side of the window.

“What do you think?”, he said smugly.

“Is that… northern lights – cannabis indica?”, asked Remus leaving his schoolbag on the floor.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

“No, Remus”, he said, “It’s marijuana – You’re so naïve sometimes”

Remus blurted out a laugh.

“Alright”, he conceded, sitting on his bed, “Where did you get it from?”

“Cousin Andromeda sent an owl. I asked for it”, Sirius answered simply, “Do you want some?”

“No, thanks”

“Have you ever smoked?”

“Yeah, of course. Every summer since 1974. My mom started giving it to me during transformations – makes ‘em a little easier when ‘m alone”

Sirius opened his eyes wide.

“How did I not know this!?”

“I don’t know. Never came up in a conversation. I didn’t know either you were familiar with muggle plant breeds”

“Well – I listen to _music_ , Remus”, said Sirius, and turned off the joint in the window sill, “I’ve gotta head off. You can have some if you want”

“Thanks – where’re you going?”

“Er… I have a date?”, Sirius said.

“Are you asking me?”

“I have set a meeting with Theodora Arkwright”

“Set a meeting? That’s how they call it now?”

“Shut up”, said Sirius with a weird smile on his face, “See you at dinner”, he said goodbye and left only to come back showing his head through the door, “And abstain yourself and Potter from searching for me on The Map or around the castle. Goodbye”, and he closed the door.

“Okay”, Remus answered when he was alone, “That was odd”

***

“This is so boring”, complained Sirius, only twenty minutes into his task, “How can you and James be so fond of this bullshit?”

“Shut up”, hissed Lily, annoyed, “I can’t believe I’m helping you with this – it would be much easier on my own”

“That’s because you don’t have you-know-what”, said Sirius showing off the small marijuana bag.

“Yeah – it’s incredible that the bloke with the worst family in the entire castle still manages to have cool relatives who pass them weed”, said Lily, “I’m starting to wonder if you’ll ever have it tough, Black”

“What can I say? Amazing looks, intelligence beyond compare, a fortune to spend – one just got lucky”

“You’re so full of yourself”

“–As Moony says”, continued Black, “ _A person’s perception changes towards their feelings._ In no time you’ll be dying of affection for me, Evans, and there will be no place in your head for those thoughts”

Lily rolled her eyes but smiled fondly at that. She kept flipping through the pages of _Advanced Potion-Making_ while Sirius checked on _Painkillers and Mindkillers: Magic Plants from All Around._

“I have to recognize I wouldn’t have come up with the idea to mix muggle and magical plants. How come you didn’t pick Potions?”, asked Lily after a while, “Thought you wanted to become an Auror”

“How do you know that?”

“Remus told me”

“Oh– Well, I replaced it for Astronomy”

“What did you get on Potions?”

“ _Outstanding_ ”, answered Sirius, “I just didn’t want to do it”

Lily nodded. He probably was afraid Slughorn would want to reclute him – which would have lead to awkward time-spending with his brother, Regulus.

That made sense.

“How did you do on your O. W. L.s, Evans?”, asked Sirius.

“Well enough. Three _Outstanding_ and six _Exceeds_ ”

Sirius chuckled.

“Well – Remus got _six_ _Outstanding_ , I’m afraid”

Lily laughed lightly.

“And what did you get in Care of Magical Creatures?”

“ _Outstanding_ ”, said Sirius, narrowing his eyes at her, “Did you doubt it, Evans?”

“Not at all”, she answered, “It’s cute”, she said simply, and kept doing her research.

“What’s cute?”, asked Sirius, his attention caught.

“How much you care about Remus”

“Is it that noticeable?”

“Well – you came asking _me_ for _help_ on a potion that would help him through full moons. If that’s not caring, I’m not sure what it is”

“Of course I care about him. He’s my friend”

“You don’t have to do that, Black”, said Lily bluntly, “It’s the _seventies_ ”

“What does that even mean?”

“It means that it doesn’t matter if you want to fuck a guy, am I clear? Gosh, don’t you listen to _music_?”, she shook her head.

“Well – do I want to fuck a guy? That I don’t know”, Sirius said, “Question is: do _you_ want to fuck a guy?”

“Don’t make yourself unlikeable, Black. I was having a nice enough time”

“So you know what I’m talking about”, he stated, “Look – I’m talking from desperation. This situation is too much for me. He is _head over heels_ for you. It’s been _three years_ ”

“I’m not talking to you”, she said simply, and turned the page.

“Wow, you’re really two and the same”

Lily furrowed at that, but said nothing. They kept working until dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's it so far! if you have any thoughts, please, don't forget to leave a comment.


End file.
